T.R.U.S.T.

Wondering why I blog when no one reads it. Wondering why I complain about no one reading it, when I don't really want anyone reading it because it embarasses me. Heck, I can't even be straight with my husband about things I'm thinking, and he's seen me naked!

I have trust issues. I don't trust anyone. Especially me, myself and I. That attitude really affects my relationship with Christ. I feel guilty that I don't have as close of a relationship as I should with him...yep...I'm a louse. I don't trust my Lord Jesus Christ.

Seeing it out there is kinda scary. Jesus gave his LIFE for me, and I don't trust Him? Maybe I just don't trust myself with the decisions He makes for me and for my life. When you are saved and born again, you lose yourself to Him. I've never been one to let someone just take over...when it needs to be done, I usually just do it myself because at least I know it will be done the way I want it....

So, I'm guessing I need to work on this trust issue thing. It paralyzes me. I get stuck, and I don't (want to) get out. Then I get upset that I haven't gotten anywhere....So, it begins with me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can trust Christ-He strenghtens me. I can...huh...that's a positive.....it's hard to find negative things in the bible (minus the 10 commandments)...

Postive, uplifting........

Gawrsh......

It's been almost a month since I've blogged. Nothing much has changed. I'm battling my head or what's inside it that's prohibiting me from sticking to anything that guarantees success for me. It's not that hard to plan meals to know what the calories are, it's not that hard to plan times to exercise, it's not that hard to keep a house clean, to be a wife, to be a mom, to be a full time employee----THEN WHY DO I MAKE IT THAT WAY?

I refuse to go the easy route and start taking pills....1) why spend money on something that may or may not work, when I have all the resources I need to be healthy? 2) If it doesn't work, I'm back to square one, and more broke than I am now 3) is it really the easy route and is it really healthy?

Do I need to say "no" to some things in my life? AM I spending too much time on the computer, or reading, or watching TV? Probably. Do I care right now? No...WHY?

I have a time limit!!!! I have to be thinner before the play starts because I'm going to be standing up in front of ALL the audience in my costume, waving my arms around, and I'm gonna look like a big green LIME!!!! I don't want that!!!! I don't want to waste this year....MONTH #1 IS ALREADY GONE!!!! It's month #2!!! --and I am no where near where I want to be!!!

I have this OCD thingie with starting things at the beginning, like, it's the 7th today-I have this thing in my head that I can't start counting down or whatever because it's not the 1st! I am so weird...I need to get rid of these idiotic, crazy, nonsensical, time wasting, ego deflating, energy useruping ideals in my head and just GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.....and all the while I'm writing this, I'm dying to go to my stove and whip up a batch of pancakes.....oy vay....